Potionmageddon
by RockSunner
Summary: What if Ford found a way to use love potion on Bill and his monsters? All characters belong to Alex Hirsch, not me. Has Bill/Pyronica, and others.
1. Reverse Engineering

What if Ford found a way to use love potion on Bill and his monsters? All characters belong to Alex Hirsch, not me. Has Bill/Pyronica, and others.

 **Potionmageddon**

 **Chapter 1 – Reverse Engineering**

Dipper was downstairs with Grunkle Ford, in the secret rooms below the Mystery Shack.

"Well, Dipper," said Ford. "That was a rousing game of Dungeons, Dungeons, and More Dungeons."

"Thanks, Great Uncle Ford. I had a great time," said Dipper.

"I'd like to take a break for a little while and ask you about some things you wrote up in Journal 1 while I was away."

"Y-you want to ask me about the Journal? There's so much I want to ask you. I'm sure I didn't discover much that you didn't already know about."

"That's true, for the most part. But this business about a Love God, that wasn't a creature I was aware of in Gravity Falls."

"He was a visitor from outside. He only came for the Woodstick rock concert, and then he left again," said Dipper.

"And yet, the weirdness magnetism of Gravity Falls must be responsible for bringing him here. Fascinating. Do you have a sample of any of his potions?"

"Mabel and I got away with an anti-love potion, but we never used it. Tambry and Robbie seemed so happy together..."

"If you still have the potion, I would like to analyze it."

"Really? It's only an antidote for people who have been affected by love potion, so it's not much use."

"But analyzing the antidote might permit me to synthesize a love potion myself."

"Wow! All right, I have it here in my backpack."

Dipper got out the bottle of black potion and handed it to Ford.

"I'll get on it right away," said Ford.

"Aren't we going to play more DD&MD?" asked Dipper.

"Not now Dipper," said Ford. "Maybe later, after I've had a chance to study this."

Dipper sighed. Oh well, there was always the new episode of Ducktective to watch with Mabel and Grunkle Stan.


	2. Love Not War

**Love Not War**

The sky was orange-red, with an "X" slashed across it.

"So this is how the world ends. Not with a bang but with a... bip-boop," said Ford, gesturing with his finger to his head.

Dipper said, "Weirdmageddon."

Animals and creatures were fleeing from the woods. Dipper was knocked over by a deer, and got scolded by gnomes for being in the way.

Ford helped Dipper get up. "The rift is shattered. Bill's world is spilling into ours and every minute his powers grow stronger."

Dipper said, "Mabel! The rift must have cracked inside her backpack. She must be in danger. I have to go find her."

He started running, calling to Mabel on the walkie-talkie.

Ford stopped him. "Dipper. Listen to me. We can find your sister soon, but first we have to stop Bill. If we can blast him back through the rift he came out of, we just might be able to stop him before his weirdness spreads across the entire globe."

"Are you sure defeating Bill is even possible?" asked Dipper.

"No. I'm not sure," said Ford. "But being a hero means fighting back even when it seems impossible. Will you follow me?"

"To the ends of the Earth," said Dipper.

"Good," said Ford. "Because that's where we're heading. You also might want to step inside."

They ran into the shielded Mystery Shack before a wave of purple wierdness magic could break over them.

"Downstairs I have a weapon that may stop Bill. I call it a quantum destabilizer," said Ford.

Ford picked up a large box from the portal room.

"May I have a weapon, too?" asked Dipper.

"I don't have anything else that would be effective," said Ford. "Wait a moment. Maybe I do..."

* * *

Dipper and Ford had taken up a sniping position in the old church belfrey. Ford unpacked his weapon from the box.

"Ah, my quantum destabilizer. I've been waiting a long time to use this. We're only gonna have one chance to take this shot."

"I'll fire right after you," said Dipper, aiming the high-powered paint-ball gun that Ford had cobbled together. "It may distract him if anything goes wrong."

Ford aimed at Bill. "Steady... steady... and..."

Another weirdness wave washed over them, touching the church bell.

"Whoo hoo hoo hoo hoooo!" shouted the bell. "I'm alive now."

Startled at the crucial moment, Ford's aim went too high and the shot went through Bill's hat.

Dipper fired his own shot, having had an instant to recover. The paintball hit Bill and a mist of pink liquid spread over him and over all of his hench-monsters.

"Just when I thought the day couldn't get any better..." said Bill, his eye lighting on Pyronica. "But first... How about a kiss, hot stuff?"

Bill formed his eye-mouth into a big smoochy-face. Pyronica grinned back at Bill and promptly swallowed him.

"Hey, that feels pretty good!" said Bill's muffled voice from inside Pyronica. "Hey 8-Ball and Teeth, I'm a little busy here. Go round up the snipers who did this and bring them to me."

"Sure thing, Boss," said 8-Ball. "Come on, Teeth."

They headed into the woods, supposedly to look for the shooters there. Nobody noticed they were holding hands.

Other monsters were pairing up. Square-shaped Kryptos kissed the large lower mouth of giant baby Paci-Fire. Amorphous Shape headed under the massive bread-loaf form of Xanthar.

Dipper and Ford slipped out of the church and stealthily headed back to the Shack.

"Good work, Dipper," said Ford. "Your distraction bought us a chance to escape. Bill has one more weakness we may be able to use. I didn't want to think about it until I took the shot, because it will put eight other people in danger. But now our only chance is to round up a Zodiac."


End file.
